As part of Sands 40th anniversary this year, we will share 40 stories by 40 parents, family members and friends affected by the death of a baby. Starting during Sands Awareness Month and our #FindingTheWords campaign, we aim to show the sheer number of people who are affected by the tragedy of a baby’s death, help other bereaved parents to understand they are not alone and raise awareness of the issues surrounding stillbirth and neonatal death. Visit our 40 stories for #Sands40 to view other blogs in the series.

I am lucky enough to have a 12 year old son and at the end of 2015 I was pregnant again.

We found out that we were having a little boy, Flynn. Two days before his due date, on 15th July 2016, I realised I hadn't felt movement all morning so we went to Heartlands Hospital in Birmingham.

Eventually it was discovered that Flynn didn't have a heartbeat.

Initially they mistook my anxious fast heartbeat for his, so they did a scan to check everything was OK, starting with his head and then discovered he had passed away.

It was just utter shock and devastation. It’s a moment that I replay in my mind every night.

When the consultant said 'I'm sorry, I can't find a heartbeat' the entire room gasped in shock.

Two days later after an 11 hour labour, Flynn arrived (all 9lb of him). He was absolutely perfect. 

The hospital were absolutely fantastic and we received the most loving and compassionate care. I could never thank those midwives enough. They made an awful time that little bit less horrendous. 

We decided to try again straight away, because if we left it I'd never get the courage to do it again, and I fell pregnant in the first month of trying, and now have one-year-old twin girls.

When the girls are older they will hear all about Flynn and I will always talk about him. He's our son and we are immensely proud of him just like any parent.