Christmas and other festivals can be an extremely difficult time for anyone who has been affected by pregnancy loss or the death of a baby. With so much focus on family, children and socialising, those living with loss can feel even more isolated and alone in their grief. Here at Sands we want to reach out to any bereaved families feeling this way over the festive period. You are not alone.

Be kind to yourself

There can be many demands on your time and energy over the Christmas period from friends, family and colleagues. Self-care and taking time to grieve or remember your baby in the way that feels right for you is important. This may mean opting out of social occasions, asking friends and family to rearrange visits or just spending time with those people who are the most supportive.

Everyone grieves differently and some years will be harder than others for many different reasons. Sometimes within families different ways of coping with feelings and grief have the potential to create tension. Try and be honest with yourself, your partner if you have one, and others about your needs. Be open to how the needs of others may differ from yours. There is no right or wrong way to feel at this time of year or any other.

What can help?

Whether you choose to celebrate Christmas in ways that you did before your baby died, make new traditions or bypass Christmas altogether, there is no set way to get through the festive period. Listening to your own needs, which may change on a daily or hourly basis, is important when making plans or spending time with others.

We asked the Sands Community on Facebook to share ideas of what helps them cope over Christmas. We received a huge response, with so many people acknowledging just how tough this time of year can be.

Here are some great ideas from the Sands Community of ways to remember your baby at Christmas:

• Make or buy a special festive decoration in memory of your baby, maybe with their name on
• Say your baby’s name out loud and talk about them to friends and family
• Donate a gift for a child who is the same age that your child would be, perhaps to a refuge or children’s charity
• Visit a special place – where your baby is buried, where their ashes are scattered, a memorial garden or favourite place for remembering them
• Light a candle in memory of your baby
• Write a Christmas card to your baby and keep it in their Memory Box or stocking
• Use the days of advent to do random acts of kindness for others in memory of your baby
• Put some special time aside to sit and remember your baby
• Instead of sending Christmas cards, make a donation in memory of your baby
• Attend a Sands Lights of Love Christmas service