13.9.18 -

My most recent passing of a blood clot meant a hospital visit and a check on my baby, when I had a number more pass later after discharge I was readmitted again that day before I had even left the city limits and my visit turned into a short stay. The first day I had 2 separate cervical exams (when i got there and again later after readmission)

Both examiners indicated my cervix was slightly open and a clot was seen and both examiners attempted to pull this clot out to no avail.

I was told open cervix could be a sign of miscarriage or could be to allow the clots to pass...



The passing clots were suspected to be from my previously found heamotomas (although I had no ultrasound to check on them) I did get multiple Doppler checks throughout my stay when I was told Baby Bean was fine, moving around and I got to hear a heart beating.



15.9.18 -

I was told I would get another cervical check before discharge to see if my cervix was closing... I was also told throughout my stay that they would try to do an ultrasound but after hearing Baby Beans heart the ultrasound idea was dismissed altogether. I was also discharged from hospital without the cervical exam too when the clots seemed to have stopped passing and bleeding lightened again.

 

I was sent home and told ... Rest.

 

A doctor (my first seen in pregnancy) told me to take time off work too.

 

I still had pains and pressure... But my baby's heart was beating. Baby didn't seem affected at all by the problems I was having.

 

Heamotomas would either pass or be absorbed. I had a scheduled ultrasound coming up on Tuesday 18th anyway. The doctor said I will be seen weekly from this point on.



16.9.18 -

I lost a lot of fluid, it was uncontrollable. In a panic I thought my waters had broke. It can't be. Its too soon. How? My back hurt and I had cramps and feelings of pressure in my pelvis but I'd had some degree of this throughout my pregnancy. It was never taken as out of the ordinary by anyone I spoke to.

This discomfort wasn't news to any of us.

My sister rushed over to our house, I was crying and scared, perched in my bathtub as gushes kept coming. I couldn't speak myself so she called the hospital for me to then be given an explanation telling us it must be something else, something like the plasma separated from my blood - clots/my heamotoma will likely follow soon.

"Its likely this had happened in smaller amounts before my previous clots passed but maybe I hadn't noticed as I have bled through most of my pregnancy"

This fluid was a lot, it was all over my bathroom floor ("liquid looks like more when its on a flat surface" apparently) and it continued to come in gushes while I waited in my bathtub for it to finally stop...

I will likely experience mild cramping which is normal ("Mild?!" I say... "This is more than mild, what is mild?!")

Rest we were told. Try not to worry/stress....

That evening I struggled with the pelvic pains and sore back. But it wasn't unbearable as they described a miscarriage was and I had already been told I would have cramps. I was told to rest.

And the fluid didn't seem to concern the midwife we spoke to.



17.9.18 - 0900hrs

I see my GP with my discharge note in order to get a sick line for 2 weeks from work. I also told him what happened the night before...

"Go home and rest"

Nothing to do for the pain but paracetamol...

 

17.9.18 -1030-1100hrs

my sister and I listen for baby with Doppler just to check. Still heart beating away there- I must trust doctor and midwife. Its my first baby. They know what they are talking about.

 

17.9.18 -1524hrs

I feel some pressure, I need to pee too... And when i go to the bathroom I feel like something is about to pass! Another clot!? She said it was coming. I must take it into hospital with me! So I reach to catch it...

 

Its so much bigger than the others, there is a weight to it...

 

NO... I can't look. Its not. It can't be. They said...

 

I phone my sister for help... I can't look.

 

There was no blood! The pain wasn't unbearable like I was told it would be... I just heard my baby this morning...



I'll never forget those moments in my bathroom... Leaning over my bath tub, the moment my sister rushed in to me... And looked for me because I couldn't.

The second she broke the horrible unbearable truth that I knew was coming but couldn't fathom.

"Aimee I'm so sorry!... Its a boy Aimee..."



At home, alone and far too early... My Baby Boy was born at 15 weeks and 3 days...



I'm so thankful my sister was there to help so quickly. She helped me into the bathtub by holding my baby as I climbed in and got us a towel to rest him on. There was only a couple centimeters of cord between me and my baby.

My mum seemed to get there so quickly too... I couldn't track the time. Waiting for my partner to come home and the ambulance to arrive was a blur.



I didn't start to bleed continuously till after the cord was cut and I started my long walk from my home to the ambulance practically carried by my partner and a paramedic.

After chemical help I laboured the placenta at hospital to a certain point before much and needed intervention from midwife to remove it at hospital that night...



It was blur/a whirlwind, the shock took over everything at first... but it is also specific and vivid series of traumatic events I will never be able to get out of my head... I still have so many unanswered questions...



When nothing made sense and there was nothing to hold onto memory boxes like those from this charity are such a great comfort.

Without the help from charities like this I can't imagine what it would have been like to go through this pain feeling so lost and alone.

This is a "late/second trimester miscarriage"

And here i was given a gift of recognition and evidence and treasured memories of my baby's existence. Something I could hold something to take out the hospital with me when I felt so lost and empty. I had to leave my baby behind but I had this. He was real, he was mine.