I was at 22 weeks and 5 days. The week before I went for my 21 week scan and was told our little girl was perfectly happy, but I just didn’t believe it. I had bled quite a lot during this pregnancy and something in my head was telling me something wasn’t right.

I was at my sister-in-law's baby shower and started getting pains. Then I started bleeding I drove home and told my partner something wasn’t right so went straight to hospital where they done test and said I need to be bed bound for 24 hours as my cervix was slightly opening.

I was so scared but I prayed and begged my little girl to stay put for at least a few more weeks but I knew what was happening (they told me if I went into labour they wouldn’t be able to do anything as I’m wasn't over 24 weeks) so I laid in bed crying.

After an hour or two, the pain was horrendous, I needed to push and my body went into shock. It felt like I died for a minute.

The nurse came in and said I was giving birth and the baby was still in the sac. 

My mind went blank. She asked if I wanted to hold her but I knew my partner didn’t want to see her so I said no. I felt like it all happened so quickly, I was devastated, I couldn’t believe it.

One minute she was kicking the next minute she was gone. I cried so much that night I didn’t sleep one bit. The next day I went to see her and hold her. My mum came with me, she was so beautiful and perfect. I told her I loved her and I’m sorry I couldn’t protect her.

"Why me", I thought. I had so much love to give her, her big sister Bella wanted to meet her 😭. I found out a week after she was alive for 15 minutes after she was born but at the time I didn’t know. I'll regret for the rest of my life not holding her while her heart was still beating.

I won’t ever let my eldest daughter Bella forget she had a little sister. A year on and we were expecting a little boy. We were all very excited but the nerves still got the better of me and I can’t enjoy this pregnancy one bit. Even though it is different and I’m well, but I go to the Sands meeting every month which I find I brilliant and so supportive.

I found it hard being there when I started showing knowing I had another baby growing in me, while some people had just lost theirs. But they reassured me I give others hope that miracles do happen. I’ve been there, I’ve felt and still feel their pain, it doesn’t go away because I’m pregnant again.

I will never forget my girl Olivia, but I’ve got something positive to focus on, which helps me bereave in a different way.

I’m now 23 weeks and pray I never have to go through anything like this again. No mother should have to bury a child, for me to be told everything is ok just a week before and have no explanation why this has happened kills me inside.

I have had so much support from friends and family but talking with people who have gone through it has helped me come to terms with losing her. I just can’t believe I’m one of the 1 in 4 who has lost my baby. And I can't believe how many other women this happens to.

It is such a terrible thing to happen 😢 

Olivia my beautiful angel forever I will forever speak your name baby girl , I’m proud to call you my daughter I love you dearly 💞