A survey of adults in the UK shows that most people who know someone affected by pregnancy or baby loss in the UK want advice on how to start conversations sensitively (69%).

Sands has launched its Finding the Words campaign today, at the start of its annual Sands Awareness Week, to help everyone feel more confident to start these important conversations.

Just over a third (34%) of people surveyed who had been personally affected by pregnancy or baby loss, said they felt isolated or lonely when no one asked them about what had happened.

Significantly, those parents who did have the opportunity to talk about their loss said that they felt relieved to be able to talk about what happened (57%), that they and their baby mattered (49%), and that ‘a weight had been lifted off my shoulders’ (26%).

When asked what would help people feel more confident to start a conversation with someone they know about pregnancy or baby loss the most popular answer (56%) was 'Conversation starters/top tips to help if I'm worried about saying the wrong thing'.

Through its Finding the Words campaign, Sands is sharing advice and support so more people can start these important conversations.

“Talking to someone about pregnancy loss or the death of their baby can sometimes feel difficult, and you might be worried about saying the wrong thing. But bereaved parents tell us that when friends, family and colleagues reach out and connect, it lets them know they aren't alone with their grief. It can be as simple as saying ‘I’m so sorry, would you like to talk about your baby?’

“The good news is that pregnancy and baby loss is no longer a taboo subject in the way it once was. We are now seeing the subject being featured in storylines on TV soap operas, celebrities and social media influencers are using their platforms to talk about their experiences, and many more bereaved parents feel able to openly share about their losses on social media. This all helps to break the silence. However, we know this is not the same for everyone. There are still barriers to talking about pregnancy and baby loss.

“This is an issue that affects so many in society; half of UK adults have said that they, or someone they know, have experienced at least one form of pregnancy or baby loss. What this survey shows is that while bereaved parents often want to talk about their baby, other people – family, friends or work colleagues - aren’t always confident in how to respond. Our Finding the Words campaign will give everyone simple ways to show bereaved people that they care and are there to listen.”

- Clea Harmer , Sands’ Chief Executive 

When asked to think about people they knew who had experienced pregnancy or baby loss, the majority of people said they had felt confident talking to a partner (79%), family (70%) or a friend (68%) about their loss. 

However, less than half (44%) said they had been confident talking to a work colleague, and just over a third (34%) when this was someone they knew in their local community.

Worryingly, one in ten people (11%) said they were not very confident or didn’t have the confidence at all to talk to their own partner about pregnancy loss or the death of their baby.

Parents talk about what helped them after baby loss

Kym Field and her husband welcomed their first son Alfie at full term, in December 2015. He died at 36 hours old due to negligence during her labour. Kym received support from Sands following Alfie’s death, and she has been a volunteer Befriender with the charity since 2017.
 

“In my experience it’s so important to have the confidence to ask bereaved parents about their baby and their loss because parents are so grateful for the opportunity to speak about their experience, so they know it’s just as valid and important as a parent who isn't bereaved. 

“I find the most helpful things are asking about their baby, things like did they give them a name or how much did they weigh. Parents may get upset when speaking about their baby but don't feel you've caused the upset by asking questions, the overriding feeling will be relief that their loss has been acknowledged.”

- Kym Field, bereaved mum and Sands volunteer.

In April 2020, Raj Chagger and his wife Sharan welcomed their baby boy, Riaan, into the world. Riaan very sadly and unexpectedly passed away in November 2020, aged just 7 months. 

“The words don't exist to describe the heartbreak and devastation that this loss has had on us. The weight of the grief is something that we will forever carry, as are the unavoidable triggers that we must navigate daily.

“It is impossible to truly explain the complexities of baby loss but, for those impacted, it is so important that we have avenues and safe spaces to try and voice how we are feeling. If we don't, then we ultimately bottle everything up inside our heads to the detriment of our mental health.

“That is why it is important for us as a society to feel confident talking about baby loss. Yes, it is a difficult topic, but we need to break the silence, and this will only happen by encouraging and supporting open and honest conversations. I will talk about Riaan all day long to anyone that will listen; I don't want my baby boy to ever be forgotten and that will be the case for most, if not all, bereaved parents.

“If you know of someone that has been impacted by baby loss then my advice is this; the worst thing you can do is say nothing, by saying nothing it makes us feel like our losses are forgotten and that we can't talk to you about it if we wanted to.”

- Raj Chagger, bereaved dad and Sands volunteer.

Impact of pregnancy and baby loss on the workplace

Of those bereaved parents who responded to the Finding the Words survey, most (77%) said that they had returned to work after their loss, but more than half (53%) said no one talked to them about their pregnancy loss or the death of their baby.

Sands is urging all small and medium sized UK-based businesses to take up its offer of free Bereavement in the Workplace training. Sands’ training is designed to help managers and colleagues understand pregnancy loss and baby death, find the words to support bereaved staff and navigate relevant employment law.

Vikas Jain first came into contact with Sands in November of 2015. His wife Reena was expecting their baby with only a few months left until their due date, when the hospital gave the devastating news that their baby was going to be very poorly and most likely pass away during pregnancy, at birth or shortly after. 

Their baby boy, Aum was born on 4th January 2016 and five days later passed away peacefully in their arms at Acorns Children’s Hospice. Vikas and Reena sought support from charities including Sands, and Vikas is now a trained Sands volunteer Befriender. 

“Having returned back to work just weeks after our Aum died, I believe more sensitivity and support are crucial for employees facing such heartbreak. There needs to be a comprehensive bereavement leave policy for all stages of baby loss, whether it's a miscarriage or the loss of a newborn, with paid leave and flexible work options. Managers must be trained to handle these deeply personal situations with care, and regular check-ins are essential to show ongoing support.

“Returning to work after such a loss, I wasn’t the same person, and having a workplace that truly understands and empathises is vital. Ensuring that support is effective through feedback is key, and by implementing these measures, employers can genuinely help employees during such profoundly difficult times.”

- Vikas Jain, bereaved dad and Sands volunteer.

How to get involved in Finding the Words campaign

Sands is asking everyone to support its Finding the Words campaign, so more people know about Sands, and how to have those important conversations with people affected by pregnancy and baby loss. 

Activities that everyone can get involved with include:

- Sharing #FindingTheWords social media posts

- Putting up a Finding the Words poster in their local area to help create more compassionate communities.

- Doing a DIY fundraiser, activities like a bake sale, keepy-uppy football challenge or dress down day, are a great way to start a conversation about Sands and our Finding the Words campaign.

- Sharing Sands’ Bereavement in the Workplace promotional film with their HR department or manager.