My due date was the 4th July 2008, I was so excited and organised for our second baby (another little boy, my Husband and I were thrilled). My younger son Thomas was so eager, he would ask daily when the baby would arrive and how he could help stop his baby brother crying. I felt so fortunate to have got pregnant so easily and have such another good pregnancy, I really didn’t expect anything to go wrong.

I was due a 36 week check with my local Birthing Centre on the Friday, but it was cancelled and booked for the Saturday. I was relieved on the Saturday because my baby’s movements had slowed down that morning and was pleased to know I was having a check up. My midwife wanted to know the position of my baby and had a good feel to find it. I started crying whilst she did this, as he did not move and usually his movements were so strong and resilient, but to my relief the Midwife checked his heartbeat over and over again and re-assured me he was fine and just sleeping.

My maternity leave started that Monday and again I was not happy that my baby was not giving his Mummy the powerful jabs I was used to. I called my Midwife and was booked into the day unit. I was not prepared for what happened next. They decided to scan me, but it was too late, there was no heartbeat. I laid there crying uncontrollably, it did not feel real.  It was four long days later when I gave birth to George Benjamin on the 12th June 2008. He was perfect and looked so much like his brother.  The cord was wrapped around his whole body and tightly three times around his neck. That week and the time afterwards I was in shock, arranging your child’s funeral is unthinkable but I could not go through a cremation although he had died, it felt too final – if that makes any sense? I still feel so numb about it and cannot believe it has happened to us. I stare at every newborn baby I see. I just want George to be with us, his family. 

I am now getting ready to return to work (September 2008), but I feel so robbed that I am returning to work early without my baby. My son Thomas has kept me going, sometimes you would never realise anything has ever happened as Steve, Thomas and I look so happy. But I believe in keeping strong for Thomas, yet George never leaves my mind and hopefully one day we will give Thomas the baby brother or sister he has always wanted.

Maria