Our daughter Amelia was stillborn on 25th March 2006 at 39weeks.

My pregnancy was difficult as I was very sick the whole nine months and had a few spells in hospital. I felt nauseous with dizziness, but no real major symptoms that anything was wrong; each time the baby was checked and found to be fine.

  

The last time I went into hospital was the week before I gave birth to her.

  

I woke up on the Friday morning feeling very ill, the room was spinning and I called the antenatal clinic I was advised to come in as soon as I could. I went in we were both monitored, my blood pressure was a bit high but as usual there was no other indication that anything was wrong, Amelia was seen having a good old move around on the ultrasound and no other problems were found. I spent that weekend very excited my baby would be here soon and getting things ready all the things that are normal for an expectant mum. The following Monday I began to feel something was wrong, movements weren't as forceful as they had been but I was told it was normal as she was so low down in my pelvis.

  

I woke up very early on Thursday, I just knew something was wrong, I washed up of all things as it was about 4am and my anxiety levels were just sky high, there was no movement as much as I poked and I felt that she had left me. I called a midwife who told me to call back later and when I got in touch with someone at around 9am they told me to come in as soon as possible.

  

My partner’s mother took me to the hospital; I remember talking about how great having my baby would be, knowing deep inside she had passed away. I waited a short while to be seen, I was all alone as my mother in law had to get back home as she was working. I went into the ultrasound room and watched the midwifes face as she tried to find a heartbeat, she fetched another sonographer as another midwife held my hand I tried to stay strong knowing my baby was dead but holding on to hope that maybe it was a mistake. The sonographer came in looked at the screen and said "sorry she has gone" I cried so hard the tears wouldn't stop and some days they still haven't. My partner was called and he came through the room expecting me to say we would have our baby soon. Instead I just said "she’s dead" at which point he grabbed me and sobbed uncontrollably.

The doctor came and discussed the options with me, I decided to stay in not wanting to go home and wait. The inducement was started half hour after admittance, on Thursday 22nd March. Nothing happened until 5.15pm on the Friday when my waters broke then I was in labour and had Amelia at 4:14am Saturday. She was perfect, 8lb 3oz, and 56cms long with beautiful black hair - nothing wrong with her at all.

I was in shock, I don't think I cried during all the time I was in hospital, it never sank in that I'd had a baby girl and had been in labour, I think my mind was trying to protect me. I came out of hospital the following Monday and stayed with my mum and dad for a week not wanting to face the nursery.

My life was a rollercoaster from then on and I got the post mortem results on 22nd May 2006. She had died because of a placental rupture, I feel so guilty that the thing that was meant to give her life had failed her. I was so desperate for a baby and conceived again quite quickly. Jacob was born on 22nd March 2007, a year after to the day I had found out my daughter had died.  

Rebecca