At my 20 week scan I expected all to be normal, just like it had been my 2 previous pregnancies. The lady scanning said she couldn't get clear view of everything she needed to and that we would have to come back, she did say however that she suspected club foot.

I was devastated my baby wasn't perfect as we all hoped for but it was so insignificant as to what was to come.

A fetal maternal consultant did my next scan,explained she wouldn't speak throughout until she had seen everything and would then explain. It felt like hours waiting for the scan to finish...I was sat on a chair and told my daughter had severe skeletal dysplasia and with the consultant's findings felt my baby would not survive at birth. My whole world came crashing down,I couldn't think, couldn't breath, I couldn't comprehend that my baby had so much more then club foot!

We made the decision with advice and guidance to induce labour at 21 weeks plus 2 days. Two days before I had to take a tablet to reduce hormones and I went through a plan of what I wanted throughout my labour. On the day I went to a special room dedicated to those who are losing their baby, I was met by a student midwife,who not only just qualified but had never dealt with baby loss in this way. The young girl tried her best but was often gone seeking advice, in these moments in all the upset I needed someone who knew what to do,the poor girl needed support herself!

I had asked for patient controlled medication, I had discussed this before, but I continued in pain physically and emotionally to receive this! I hardly had anyone present in the room with me, I told the midwife when I felt the urge to push and she asked me to wait so she could get someone. You cannot control that urge and I began to panic. My daughter Matilda was born and barely caught by the midwife. Even though they knew I was coming two days before, there was nothing in that room for my beautiful girl, instead she was wrapped in an inco sheet. It did not feel as though she was worth a blanket! My sister in law was mopping up the blood and locating towels etc. This is something that should not have happened. It is a hospital and a delivery ward! After I had Matilda we cuddled her and took precious photos and foot and hand prints. I had to go for surgery and when I came back round, the hospital wanted to put me on a ward with new mothers and their crying babies. How fair would that have been when I'd lost mine?

The following day I had a "bereavement" midwife visit me. She did not give her condolences and proceeded with paperwork. My husband and I wanted a full post-mortem to find exactly what my daughter had, we were told "That's a lot of paperwork". We didn't care, that was the least of out worries, we had just lost our daughter.

My jewellery and wedding rings which had been removed had been picked up and thrown away by another midwife by accident. They were unable to find them after this. Another devastation for my husband and I. I was told once I was ready I could go...That was it! No comforting words no advice no assistance. So we left and they didn't even notice!

They mucked up my notes and so I waited days to see a midwife at home, it's lucky I had a good support of my own as by now I could have been another lost cause!

This is a part in my life I can never change, I can never go back and do it differently, these are the memories that will stick with me for a lifetime. I was treated so poorly at the most difficult time in my life and there is nothing I can do to erase those moments that went so wrong!

I lost so much more then my beautiful daughter that day, I lost my faith in the NHS and support services!

I was just a number and because I didn't have a crying baby I didn't deserve their time.