It all began in April 2013 when I found out my husband and I were expecting our first child. We went along to all our midwife appointments and during our 20 week visit we excitedly found out we were expecting a little boy. My pregnancy was relatively normal, but I did develop gestational diabetes towards the end of my pregnancy which was managed with diet and medication, because of this we had extra appointments and scans for monitoring growth.

At 38 weeks pregnant my husband and I travelled to the hospital to begin the induction process to meet our baby boy. On Thursday 9th of January 2014 at 6.16am, we finally met our perfect 7lb 2oz baby. We named him Calum James Boyd. He looked perfect and to us he was and everything we had dreamed of. Calum had the most beautiful full head of dark thick hair, chubby cheeks, and the longest fingers that he would curl around mine.

After a few hours in the delivery room we returned to the maternity ward as a family of three. We spent the evening in the hospital getting used to family life, nappies, breastfeeding, and hours staring at our little sleepy bundle. The next day we were discharged and off we went on one of the most exciting drives home we will ever have.

The days that followed were full of love. We had our families round to our home to meet Calum and made sure they all received plenty newborn cuddles. The midwife also came out to see how we were all doing, and Calum appeared to be doing well and thriving.

On Sunday 12th of January our world was thrown into chaos. We were all in the living room waiting on our visit from the midwife. I heard Calum cry softly, so I picked him up out of his Moses basket for some cuddles. He felt cold, so I sent my husband upstairs to get a knitted cardigan for Calum to wear to keep him cosy.

By the time my husband came back downstairs Calum had already taken his last breath. At first, I didn’t think what was happening was real, but my husband confirmed the worst and he wasn’t breathing.

My husband dialled 999 while I started CPR. We are in a fortunate position where we live very close to the ambulance depo, so it wasn’t long before an ambulance arrived. I let the paramedics in and we were told to leave the room while they checked him. Moments later, they told us to meet them at the hospital and they whisked Calum out of the house and into the back of the ambulance.

My husband and I arrived at the Accident and Emergency Department and were asked to go into the family room through the back. I didn’t want to go back there to that room because I didn’t want this situation to be real and I didn’t want it to be happening. The paramedic took me by the hand and led us into that room.

Calum was through the wall from us being worked on, but I knew myself that there could be no saving him when we were still in our house. Over an hour passed and a doctor came through to speak to us and asked if we wanted to see him being worked on. Myself and my husband went through not sure what to expect. There were 8 or 9 people in that room all with a specific role and trying their hardest to save our son. As we left the room they called time on working on Calum as nothing more could have been done.

I’m forever grateful to all the staff that day and especially to a nurse who never left our side and showed us the most loving and compassionate care. The nurse brought Calum through to myself, my husband, and our families, and we spent the rest of the day with him, kissing and cuddling him.

The next few days and weeks that followed we had many visitors to our home, and some unexpected visits. Along with funeral directors, midwives, our GP, and the police, we had a visit from a bereavement midwife. She spoke with us about what she could offer help wise and gave us a leaflet for our local Sands group and explained a little bit about who they were and what the did in our area.

At Calum’s funeral we decided we would prefer donations rather than flowers. Myself and my husband decided we would like to give back to the A&E department but also our local Sands group as we felt we would be needing their support in the future. I called the number on the leaflet the bereavement wife had given me and spoke to the kindest and most understanding befriender. It was so lovely to talk so openly about Calum without the other person being scared to ask questions.

The next month myself and my husband went to our first Sands support group meeting. It was only us and two befrienders and we chatted openly for what felt like forever. We then carried on going to more and more meetings and sharing out story and hearing other stories about baby loss.

A couple of years later I was on the committee for the local Sands group and completed the two day training course to become a befriender for our local group. I’m so thankful for everyone who has helped support us and our families after Calum dying, it felt right to give something back by helping others going through something similar.

We later found out Calum’s death was caused by a metabolic disorder which had a risk of 1 in 4 of another child having the same disorder. We went onto have a healthy baby boy called Rory in June 2016 and are so thankful for the support from Sands and the hospital for their support during that time.