This is Clare's story, about her experience of baby loss. Clare is one the Sands Bereavement Support Services Officers and mum to a much-loved baby called Amy.



I have learnt a lot over the years since my baby was born. No matter how many years have passed, you never forget your baby: they are always part of the family. In my family we still talk about my daughter and remember her. That is important for all of us, to keep sharing. For my part, I’m happy to talk about her to anyone. She’s not a secret that I hide away, but part of who I am. 

At first, of course, it was really difficult. And there will always be difficult days, even now. But now I can smile when I think of my baby. I think perhaps that at the beginning I imagined that I would never be able to laugh or be happy, as if doing so would somehow make the loss of her seem unimportant. But I know now that’s not the case. It is OK to laugh and to be happy. In fact grief and happiness go hand in hand. 

However long ago you were bereaved, I think it’s still really important to allow yourself to reach out for support. It’s about what you need, and that’s OK.  

Everyone is different, but for me there are some things that I find help. I find it important to go to the Garden Day and to Lights of Love. I feel that they validate my daughter and my feelings, and they are also occasions when I can connect with other people. That connection is vital. 

In my work I help and support others: their needs come first, but I know that what I do is also good for me, because doing something positive helps with the day-to-day grief. Getting involved with other activities with likeminded people has also been good, and I have found that it can be a great legacy to remember and honour your baby. 

As a family we donate every year to the Woodlands Trust so that they can plant a tree in memory. My son has also fundraised for Sands in his sister’s memory. He climbed Mount Kilimanjaro and is now planning the next trek for her next ‘significant birthday’. I’m so pleased that he wants to do this, and that he feels so connected to her.

Written by Clare, bereaved mum and Sands Bereavement Support Services Officer