In this heartfelt blog post, Saj shares the story of his son Haroon and the role of his faith in navigating grief. He hopes to offer comfort and hope to other bereaved fathers affected by pregnancy or baby loss, encouraging them to seek the support they need. Saj is a Teacher, and an elected Councillor based in the West Midlands. Through his personal journey of navigating through grief, he strives to support bereaved fathers and families and has worked with Sands to raise awareness of baby loss within South Asian communities.
Ramadan serves as a gentle reminder of the strength that resides within us. It is a time when our hearts are called to reflect, to remember, and to seek comfort in our faith.
During the lockdown, our family endured an unimaginable loss. My two daughters were filled with excitement for the arrival of their baby brother, but in an instant, that joy shattered. The words that echoed in the room—"No foetal heartbeat"—sent a wave of paralysis through my body. I could see the desperation in the sonographer's eyes as she scanned the screen, and in that moment, we were thrust into the heartbreaking task of planning a burial; something I had never envisioned I would have to face. It was surreal, standing there with only a couple of family members allowed, gripping the little casket close to my chest, feeling bewildered and heartbroken. The weight of that tiny casket felt like the heaviest burden I had ever carried.
Despite having a large family, it was just the three of us and my parents at that moment, and the emptiness was overwhelming.
“The loss of our son, Haroon, left a void that could never be filled.”
The silence in our home was deafening, and the dreams we had for our son were shattered. I am grateful for the support Sands offered after reaching out.
In 2024, we were blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby girl, completing our family. While we will always remember Haroon (Harry), who is in Jannah (heaven), Ramadan has given me the strength to support others and be a beacon of light in their lives. I am truly grateful for my family and my children. My daughters are my strength, and my son is our key to Jannah.
Most importantly, I am a parent, but in addition to this, I am a teacher, local politician, and an advocate for bereaved families in the South Asian community. I touch many lives, daily. My mission is to create a space where men can openly discuss their feelings. In our community, topics like pregnancy and baby loss are often hidden under social norms that dictate how South Asian men should behave. It is crucial for men to accept and express their emotions, to break free from the chains of societal expectations and find healing in vulnerability.
As we navigate the complexities of loss during this holy month, each moment of fasting and prayer is a source of healing, allowing us to connect with the divine and with the memories of our loved ones, like our baby, Haroon.
During Ramadan, we are reminded of the power of community. Together, we can support one another, uplift each other’s spirits, and remind ourselves that it’s okay to reflect, grieve and to celebrate simultaneously. I hope this month can transform pain into purpose, encouraging everyone to reach out and extend kindness to those who may be experiencing similar heartaches and challenges.
Ramadan is a time for self-reflection and personal healing. It teaches the importance of supporting others who have faced similar losses and challenges. By sharing my story, I hope to encourage other men to break the silence and seek the support they need. Together, we can create an understanding and compassionate community. Please remember, there is no right or wrong way to heal during this time. The only thing that matters is doing what feels right for you. Take the time and remember your loved ones in a way that is meaningful to you. Ramadan is not just a time for fasting and prayer, but also a time for personal growth and healing. We can embrace our emotions and support one another in this journey. Light a candle, say a prayer, keep the faith or simply, just do what you are doing. Together, we can rise.
My hope is that this Ramadan bring healing to hearts, strength to spirits, and the light of hope that guides us forward.
Here at Sands, we know Ramadan and Eid can be difficult for those who have experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Please know that you are not alone, and there are people who understand and whom you can speak to in confidence.
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