TFMR can be a frightening and isolating experience and many parents who have been in touch with us have questioned whether bereavement support is available to them because of the particular circumstances of their loss. Please know that our support is here for you.

What is TFMR - Termination for Medical Reasons?

Receiving the news that there are serious issues relating to your own or your baby's health may be unexpected and cause conflicting emotions. The decision about whether or not to continue with a pregnancy can be very difficult, and it is important or anyone making it to have support.

Sands is here to help you through your loss and to support you as you journey through the emotions this can bring. If you have not yet decided what to do after a diagnosis, you can explore your options through Antenatal Results and Choices (ARC) which has long experience in supporting parents through decision making.

Screening and diagnostic tests

The health of you and your baby can be checked during your pregnancy using screening tests and diagnostic tests. It can be helpful to understand the difference between the two types of tests.

• Screening tests are used to detect if a condition has a high probability of being present.
• Diagnostic tests will detect if the condition is actually present.

Making a decision

You may need to wait for test results to confirm a medical condition. You may also feel influenced by other circumstances. The factors which affect your decision will be unique to you and your baby, and whatever they may be, they are valid, as are your concerns and worries. 

For some parents, external opinions can often influence their emotions and they are left navigating intrusive thoughts and feelings such as guilt and shame. At Sands, we acknowledge that your baby is much loved and that making a decision to terminate for medical reasons is sometimes the only way that feels compassionate and appropriate for you, your baby and family.

Sharing your story

Telling others what has happened can be one of the hardest things to do after your baby dies. This can be made even harder if your baby has died as a result of TFMR, which may leave you feeling judged or that you feel you have to explain your situation to others at a time when you are vulnerable and in distress. Parents we speak to often mention how isolated they have felt after experiencing TFMR. 

You are the person who best understands your situation and what is best for you and your baby. Others may form and share opinions based on their own values and experiences, but this does not necessarily mean that their opinions are correct, and they may not fully understand your personal experience. In those situations, it can be helpful to think about your own boundaries and needs.

You may wish to think ahead about how you want to tell others about your loss. This may include finding a sentence to explain what has happened which you are comfortable using in situations when you may feel vulnerable. It can be especially important to think about how much or how little to share if you feel your situation may not be fully understood by other people.

Social media can sometimes present unkind and minimising attitudes towards families who experience baby loss through TFMR, so prioritising your own wellbeing by choosing who and want you connect with is a vital part of helping yourself through this. 

Useful links and organisations

• TFMR Awareness Day
• Antenatal Results and Choices (ARC) 
• TFMR Mamas
• The Pink Elephants Support Network
• Twins Trust
• Pregnancy Sickness Support