Please be aware Carrie has chosen to share pictures of one of her sons with her story. 

My journey into motherhood has been shaped by both profound loss and incredible resilience. 

During my first pregnancy, we discovered at our 12 week scan that I was carrying twins. Sadly, due to a rare complication known as TRAP sequence, one of the babies was not going to survive. I had to be transferred to Birmingham Women’s to be under the care of a specialist doctor there, and each week we had to travel to Birmingham to review how the pregnancy was going. I was given some very hard options, I chose to continue the pregnancy to give the healthy baby a chance, and review how things were going but at 16 weeks we learned that the baby’s heart had stopped beating. I returned to Leeds for a medically induced miscarriage to deliver both babies and didn’t get to deliver them for another six days. It was the hardest and longest experience of my life, but the compassion and care I received from the midwifery team, doctors as well as charities such as Sands, Aching Arms, and Tommy’s carried me through those dark days. 

When I became pregnant again, which I was desperate to do because I was experiencing what they call empty arms syndrome, I was lucky to fall pregnant fairly quickly (six months after the twins were delivered)

Sadly and expectedly I struggled with severe anxiety and PTSD. My midwifery team provided consistent support, extra scans, and continuity of care that made me feel safe and valued. Seeing familiar faces throughout my pregnancy and birth reminded me that my journey mattered. 

Six weeks after the birth of my son, I experienced postnatal depression and anxiety. The trauma of losing my twins was a huge factor, but thanks to the Leeds perinatal service, I received intensive care, therapy, and medication. With their support, I recovered and was discharged in 2020. That experience inspired me to leave my teaching career and move into perinatal mental health support and advocacy at the Yorkshire & Humber Mother & Baby Unit in Leeds. 

In 2022, I welcomed another son. Although I faced postnatal depression and anxiety again, the support systems I had in place helped me through. Returning to my role after maternity leave has been the most rewarding step of my journey. I support families experiencing perinatal mental health challenges, including mothers who have faced loss and trauma. 

The grief of losing my twins has never left me, I think of them every day but I have found strength in making their memory part of my story 

Transforming pain into purpose has allowed me to move forward, to think more positively, and to offer comfort and understanding to others. My babies are a huge part of why I became a mother, and why I now dedicate myself to helping families feel less alone. 

Carrie first shared her story to support our #AlwaysThere campaign during June 2021 to ensure all women pregnant after loss are offered the same maternity team to care for them and their baby, through pregnancy, birth and afterwards. Find out more: sands.org.uk/alwaysthere