Myself and my fiancé became parents to our son Noah George Yates on the 19/09/2018. Unfortunately he was born sleeping at 41 weeks.



It was quite an ordeal for us ever since my fiancé and I had a check-up as we hadn’t felt him move in a while. After a slight wait we got seen to and after seeing multiple people the sonographer confirmed our worst fears “I’m really sorry your baby is not alive”



We couldn’t believe it the pregnancy was so smooth sailing for the whole nine months and to be told this we felt like our world had come crashing down around us.



Unfortunately we were then told that my fiancé had to deliver the baby naturally and be induced/epidural. We both asked about a c-section but the doctor told us it would be dangerous to perform a c-section procedure in these circumstances.



We were both told to sleep on it but our minds were restless and unsettled trying to come to terms with what had occurred.



By about 5am my fiancé was induced after watching her in so much pain from the contractions, I was relieved.



It was confirmed to us that my fiancé had also caught an infection and had to be highly observed and put on a drip being analysed by the midwife.



At 4:58pm that day our son was born and the midwife brought him over to me to hold in my arms. We were a mix of emotions - overcome by how beautiful our son was but also crying from sadness knowing that we couldn’t take our beautiful boy home with us.



He was placed in a cold cot for both me and my fiancé to see while staying in a room away from the main wards for a week as my fiancé battled the infection with many antibiotics.



We spent the whole week talking crying every day while having the day broken up with family visiting us. It really was our own little bubble away from reality. We decided to not watch any TV/DVD’s or music as not to taint anything for when we got back home to normality.



We were given a memory box from our bereavement Midwife who is a credit to herself as she made keepsakes of our son in the box that we will cherish for the rest of our lives.



Friends and family have been so supportive. My fiancé’s place of work raised over £1,000 for Sands and at that moment in time baby loss awareness week was taking place so much needed awareness was made.



We also managed to go to a Sands meeting with other befrienders and told our story as it was exactly two weeks to the day it had occurred. We were praised for having the strength to attend and speak to others while it was so raw in our minds.



How we both see it is that we may have lost our son physically but not in spirit and in fact we do consider ourselves parents and he will always be our first child and eldest to our future children.



We got the PM results and the result was inconclusive. We both felt relieved as we were concerned it may have shown something that could affect us from having more children in the future. We do have a theory that it was meconium that got into Noah’s lungs based on what the Midwives thought and the fact of purely being overdue. He had meconium under his finger nails so it’s the only thing we are holding onto that we think is the only reason. How can a baby die for no reason?! A hard pill to swallow of course but it’s something we have to learn to accept.



We are hopeful for our future together and recently have had some wonderful signs that our son is watching over us and loved ones which was comforting.



We will never forget our son, he has brought us closer together and has made such an impact on so many people. We both know that when our time is up in this life we know our boy will be waiting for us to greet with open arms.

Link to noahs9wishes on Instagram