I had a reasonably complication-free pregnancy, and was given a due date of 13th October 2008 at my 12 week scan. I had a number of scans throughout my pregnancy for a couple of reasons, and was so happy that I could see my baby growing inside me so often.

I finished work for maternity leave when I was 36 weeks pregnant and my husband, Eamon, and I started to complete the final preparations for our baby’s arrival.

As I went to bed on 9th October, I felt baby moving much more than normal, but thought nothing of it. When I woke the next morning, I didn’t feel baby move as I normally would, but just thought he was settling down in preparation for birth. I decided to have a bath to see if I could encourage baby to move and was sure I felt a twitch, but now think that it could have been my imagination. Eamon came home from work for his lunch and I told him I’d not felt any movement, and like me, he just assumed it was because baby was settling down before the birth; as first time parents, we had no idea that a reduction in movement is something to be concerned about.

When Eamon went back to work, I decided to go for a lie down and when I woke at around 5pm, I still hadn’t felt baby move so I rang Eamon and told him I was going to contact Labour Ward for advice. I was told by a midwife to come in straight away to be checked, so Eamon came home and we went to hospital together.

I arrived on Labour Ward and was taken straight to a room by a midwife who tried to find baby’s heartbeat using a CTG Monitor, which she wasn’t able to do, so called for the consultant who was on the ward at the time. She came in with an ultrasound machine and scanned me. The consultant was silent for what seemed like hours before she looked at me and said the words that shattered our lives completely; ‘I’m so sorry, there’s no heartbeat.’ At that moment, I jumped off the bed, still covered in the jelly from the ultrasound and sobbed into Eamon’s arms. I managed to compose myself for long enough to find out what would happen next – I was determined that I wanted a caesarean there and then, but the consultant and a very friendly student midwife managed to convince me that it was a decision that I should think about very carefully. After much thought, I decided that I owed it to my baby to at least try and deliver him naturally, so was told that I would have to come back to hospital the following two days to take tablets to prepare my body for labour when I was admitted to be induced on my actual due date.

Eamon and I spent some time on the ward contacting our friends and family to tell them the devastating news, before returning home where our families were waiting for us.

The next couple of days went by in a bit of a blur, spending time with our families and making the trips to and from the hospital. I went into hospital on the Sunday which is when we met Tracey for the first time. Tracey explained that I would have to give lots of samples of blood to test for anything that could have cause Elliot’s death; she also told us what to expect when I went in to be induced the next day, and gave us the information to help us decide whether we would want to have a Post Mortem. After I had given the blood for the tests, Tracey told me I would have to wait at the hospital for the results of the blood test for pre-eclampsia as there were traces of protein in my urine a number of times during my pregnancy, and my blood pressure was also raised on occasion. Thankfully, l the results came back clear and I was allowed home for the rest of the day. Eamon and I spend the afternoon getting ready to go back to hospital the next day for my induction, including choosing an outfit for baby to be dressed in when he was born, and finding plenty of books and magazines as we knew we could be in hospital for some time.

We arrived at the hospital the next morning and were shown to the room we would call ‘home’ for the next few days. The reality of what I was going to have to go through hit me pretty hard at this point, and I became quite emotional. I was feeling very depressed especially during my first day in hospital as it gave me time to think about the possible reasons for our baby’s death, and I couldn’t help but blame myself. I didn’t feel like moving around or eating, but Tracey and the midwives really encouraged me to go for a walk and have something to eat, I was even brought some lunch from the restaurant to try and make eating more appealing! It was when I was walking around the hospital on my third day in that I met Jane who was at a stand giving information out about Sands; a charity I had never heard of but have since had so much involvement with and found to be a fantastic support.

The midwives on the ward were brilliant during our stay, and the fact Eamon was provided with a camp bed and allowed to stay with me at all times made things so much easier. He was even brought tea and toast for his breakfast each day; I think he must have felt very spoiled as he doesn’t get that treatment at home! My Mum and mother in law were also allowed to visit one afternoon which was brilliant as it was nice to see some different faces

Induction was started very soon after we arrived at the hospital. I was warned that as it was my first pregnancy, it could take some time to work which it did. I went through induction every four hours for two days. On the third day, I was almost at the point of bailing out and requesting a caesarean section but the consultant said that they could try the drip to see if it worked before letting me go for caesarean. I was hooked up to the drip at around 3pm, had my waters broken which also took some effort, and my first contraction came at 3.45pm. The contractions were very strong and were coming very often right from the start which I wasn’t expecting. I tried using gas and air for the first hour, but was sick after every time I took it and didn’t find it any help at all, so decided to have some morphine which didn’t help either. At 8pm I decided that I wanted an epidural and after what seemed like forever, the anaesthetist finally turned up to administer it and I was able to relax.



I slept from 9pm and at 1.30am I was woken and told that I was fully dilated and ready to deliver my baby. I had so many emotions running through me at this point; excitement that I was going to find out the sex of my baby, anxiety at the thought of what my baby would look like as it had been 6 days since he passed away, and pride because of the fact I was going to be able to deliver my baby naturally.

I was unable to feel my contractions as the epidural hadn’t worn off, so the midwife had to tell me when to push. I was pushing for just under an hour; I had Eamon beside me holding my hand the whole time, and the midwife was so encouraging, especially when I got to a point when I felt I wasn’t able to push any more.

Elliot Jack was born at 2.25am on 16th October, 3 days after his due date, weighing 9lb 4oz. He was taken away to be cleaned up and dressed.

While we were waiting for Elliot to be brought to us, the midwife came in and told us that that outfit we’d brought for him to be dressed in was too small as he was such a big boy – he ended up being dressed in a cardigan my Nanny had knitted and wrapped in a blanket!

When Elliot was brought to us, Eamon and I both knew we wanted to hold him. He had the cutest button nose, thick dark hair, and his hands were strikingly perfect. The midwife took some pictures of us with him before leaving us alone for a while.

We had been told that our families would be allowed into the room to see Elliot after he was born, and they were waiting patiently in the waiting room so were brought in a few at a time; my Mum, Dad and brother first, then Eamon’s parents, sister and brother in law. It was a very emotional time for everyone but our families really appreciated being allowed to spend some precious time with Elliot.

I was exhausted after our families had left, so was given a bed bath and transferred to a proper bed which was brilliant as I had spent the previous two nights on a drop-bottom bed which wasn’t the most comfortable bed I have ever slept in!

I woke the next morning at 9am. We had spent the night with Elliot in the room with us, and the Chaplain came in and blessed him before we said our last goodbyes.

We were given some things to remember Elliot by, including a lock of his hair, the bands that would have gone round his ankles and the prints of his feet and hands that had been taken the night before.

After Elliot had been taken away, I had a bath while Eamon packed up all our things. I was allowed to go home at 1pm. Leaving hospital with empty arms was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.



We had decided to have Elliot buried rather than cremated so arranged his funeral to be held at Crownhill Crematorium the following week. The service was conducted by the Chaplain that blessed Elliot, and over 100 people attended to show their support.

Eamon and I decided that we wanted to try for another baby almost straight away, but were advised to wait until after our follow-up appointment with the consultant. We had our appointment and there were no reasons found for Elliot’s death from the tests that were carried out, so we were given the all clear to start trying for another baby.

We found out we were expecting baby number two in May 2009. It was a very difficult eight months, especially as it came closer to the gestation that we lost Elliot, but we were very well looked after by our consultant. Both Tracey and my community midwife were also an amazing support and were always available for me to call if I had any concerns. I was adamant that I didn’t want the pregnancy to go beyond 39 weeks this time, and the my consultant said he would look at the possibility of inducing me at 38 or 39 weeks when I got closer to my due date of 18th January.

At a scan at 32 weeks, baby had turned and was in breech position so my consultant made the decision to book me in for caesarean at 38 weeks, and Ella Jayne was born on 5th January 2010, weighing 8lb 10oz. The cord was round her neck twice when she was delivered and she had some problems with breathing for the first day due to the mucus that was left on her lungs, which was a very upsetting time but she was fine the next day and has had no problems since. We’ve also had another daughter, Bridget who was born in August 2011

If I could wish for one thing as a result of losing Elliot, it would be to make more people aware that they should seek advice about a change in baby’s movements during pregnancy. I have always felt that if I had gone to hospital on the morning that we lost Elliot because I knew something wasn’t right, things may have turned out differently. So many people assume that when they’re past the first trimester, they’re past the danger zone, but this just isn’t the case.