I don't know where to start, other than to say this was my second pregnancy.

I have one healthy boy Wyatt who was born on 9th September 2017.

I found out I was pregnant with my daughter a few weeks after Wyatt 1st birthday.

I was so happy and over the moon but that sadly went away on the 20 week scan. I found out my little girl had bad spina bifida. 

I got send to Glasgow a week later for in-depth scan and found out it was worse than what I was originally told. She had fluid in her brain past the border line. It was 100% on her. I had to make a decision - the hardest decision of my entire life.

I decided to terminate. Hoping to save her from pain and not a good quality of life. I felt guilty. I felt horrible for doing this but I know I did the right thing. When I gave birth to Hope she was 22 weeks old and born sleeping.

I found out the day I had her, on the 9th January 2019, that it was worse than the second scan which said she would of never made it. And if she did make it she wouldn't have made it to the operation.

She would have suffered so much... I miss my little girl.

Every single day I wish Hope and my son Wyatt could meet one another.

It was the saddest day of my life when I said goodbye to Hope. I still feel bad and wish I could have her in my arms. But the support of the staff and my family, being near my son...I don't think I would have been able to emotionally or physically cope.

I'm so grateful for all the support from my family, friends and the Sands support group. It has helped me knowing that it was not my fault and that I know did the right thing. Even though my heart is broken.