"I am Dad to Jacob, Daniel, Morgan and Bee. Jacob and Daniel both died over 20 years ago."

"There wasn’t a local Sands support group back then and neither my wife at the time, nor I were in touch with Sands for support. After I re-married, Jude and I lost our first baby, Morgan, and also our precious second baby, Bee.

"It was such an incredibly difficult time for us as a family. Somehow, I went into an instinctive protective mode, making sure I could keep things going with the family, while Jude wasn’t able to. As time passed and Jude became a bit stronger again, I found I was able to deal with my own grief more.

"Going to the group support meetings at Cardiff & Newport Sands really helped us both. We were with people who understood our situation and what we were going through. After a while of attending the meetings, I realised that maybe I could do something to help the other families who needed support. I felt such empathy for them and could relate to their experiences, especially as the losses I had experienced were all different circumstances.  I’d already spent nearly 20 years thinking about how I could help other people and as a trainer delivering many different courses focusing on well being and resilience, I wondered whether I could use my skills to support others.

"So, in October 2022 I did the Befriender training with Sands and began volunteering as a Befriender, supporting families coming to the group meetings, in early 2023. Since then, I have listened to many bereaved parents share their personal stories and it is always a privilege to offer reassurance that what they are going through is ‘normal’ and that it’s ok to feel they way they do. Validating their thoughts and feelings is so important.

"What I’ve found is that through volunteering as a befriender, I have been able to work through my own grief, some of which I hadn’t acknowledged fully until I started to co-facilitate the national online support meetings specifically for men. 

"Men don’t always talk about baby loss, so when they come together for peer support, sometimes it’s enough to know that other people know how you feel even if you’re talking about general life, not necessarily about loss."

Geoff Davies, Bereaved Dad

"Seeing the change in people when they have been to support meetings when they have shared their stories is really positive; it’s like a weight has been lifted for them because they know they’re not alone. Seeing the same men come back for another group meeting after they’ve spoken about some really difficult emotions they’ve been dealing with is the most impactful moment for me.  Knowing that in some way, I have helped someone else to deal with their grief, feel safe enough to talk openly and come back for more support is really positive.

"I’m also a trained Parent Speaker for Sands, usually talking to various health professionals about my journey and experiences of bereavement care. It gives them the opportunity to ask questions in a way they aren’t able to when they are caring for a bereaved family, so if they can learn from me and it helps them to provide the best support to families, I am happy to spend time with them and actually really enjoy it. It’s a time when I can talk about my children and do something that will have a benefit to other families.

"It's so nice to talk to people knowing I can help them, and I am really proud of myself for volunteering for Sands. I would definitely encourage other bereaved men to get involved if they feel able to. I’ve found it is such a good way to keep your baby’s memory alive and it’s lovely to be able to give something back to others when you know the value of the care and support you’ve received yourself."