"I first came into contact with Sands in November of 2015. My wife Reena was around 35 weeks pregnant and our baby was diagnosed as very poorly in utero. We were being asked to make some difficult decisions re-continuing with the pregnancy. The hospital suggested I get in touch with several charities and one of those was Sands, and I ended up talking to one of the Befrienders. She listened and shared her story too.

"We had no idea how many people were affected by pregnancy and baby loss, and it made us appreciate all those other that were on this unthinkable journey.  

"We made the difficult decision to continue with the pregnancy and our son Aum was born on 4th January 2016. 5 days later he passed away peacefully in our arms.

"We attended our first local Sands meeting in February, and the Befriender who we had spoken to on the phone arranged to be there, so we had that continuity. It was a warm environment, and it was reassuring to hear our thoughts validated. We weren’t going mad!

"In the meeting, we kept hearing the things being said that we too had been thinking about which brought us comfort. We made friendships, and it gave us hope that there is life after tragedy. Even to make the difficult decision to have another pregnancy was made easier when the Befrienders supported and listened to us.

"I decided to become a Befriender 4years ago, because I wanted to give other newly bereaved parents the hope that Befrienders had given me earlier. Every time I support a newly bereaved parent, I do it because of our son, its Aum that bought us to Sands. It's a lot easier to bring up Aum's name in a Sands room compared to other environments.

"I was keen to ensure that Dads were being heard. I was often asked if my wife was ok, and I’d be thinking, ‘but what about me, why don’t you ask how I am?’ I was brought up to think that the man should be in charge, and should ‘man up’, but men need support too, and I’m keen to make sure they know what’s available."

Vikas Jain, Bereaved Dad 

"I joined Sands United in 2019 and played for a few years with them. Its a fantastic space where Dads can come together through a passion of football and support each other. I was so proud to wear the Sands United shirt with Aum’s name on it. It's great the way certain games are dedicated to our children.

"We can talk about things that I can’t talk about with friends and family, it’s totally normal to talk about your babies, and you can go from crying to laughing and back again in the space of a minute but we all get it and are there to support each other.

"I am a Parent Speaker for Sands along with supporting Sands’ Bereavement in the Workplace. I think it’s so important for employers to know that the person returning to work is no longer the same person. Most people don’t want to talk about pregnancy and baby loss, but most people going through it want to talk about their baby, it is often unacknowledged, and I wanted to help people to know how to do this. When I returned to work I found my colleagues often got upset, and I ended up looking after them! It is so important that people get that support in their workplace.

"Although the hospital signposted us to Sands, I felt that they didn’t know the power of Sands, and how much support they offered to parents, so I became a Hospital Liaison Volunteer to ensure they had good links. Small things make such a difference in bereavement care, and I’m proud to be part of the impact that Sands is having. Last year I had the opportunity to become a panel judge for the Elaine Thorpe awards, which promotes good bereavement care.

"I’ve been involved in a Father’s Day video, a webinar - the opportunities that Sands gives me as a volunteer are fantastic.

"Volunteering has helped me to become a better listener in all areas of my life. It has helped me in my workplace. I am comfortable sitting with difficult things and not trying to fix everything.

"I’m proud of what has been achieved in Aum’s name, and it has allowed me to talk to friends and family about my experience. My volunteering has allowed me to keep talking about Aum, and to raise awareness. Out of the tragic circumstances has come hope, and I would like to continue to give hope and comfort to other bereaved parents, regardless of what stage they have had their loss. 

"There is hope after tragedy."