05.01.15: The day I got those two lines on a pregnancy test was the day I knew my life was going to change so much.

I wish God didn't take you away.

​I wish I could've made you stay.

To hold you forever in my arms.

To protect you so you would come to no harm.

We were supposed to protect you, and make things just right,

But you were so tiny,

Too tiny to fight.

Your tiny fingers, your tiny toes,

We are told from a young age “big boys don’t cry” and “men are strong”,

Well guess what folks those words are bloody wrong

It must be very difficult to stand up to the test

and field the calls and visitors so she can get some rest.

I don’t want to live the 25th July 2015 ever again.

To Our Dear Beautiful Baby Ruby,

Rosie is mine and my husband’s second daughter, born on September 16th at 11.21am via section, weighing 4lb 10oz. Her story is not a simple one and our pregnancy wasn’t easy.

You wait; the biggest moment of your life is imminent.  You are about to earn the title "Dad".

Time stands still, my heart aches

I’m told the words “there’s no heartbeat”

“I’m so sorry”, in a silent room.

Two souls came together in a later year

Grateful to have put behind them all their cares and fears

'What shall I wear to the funeral of our baby boy?’ That is a thought I never thought I’d have. It’s two days after it happened when that thought enters my mind. Somehow I’ve managed to keep going during the days, but it’s during the nights when the thoughts and questions start haunting me. Sometimes they are ludicrously trivial, like this one. Sometimes they are desperate thoughts of guilt, of sorrow and always the same ‘why, why, why?’ I’ve lost our beautiful baby boy. I was 18 weeks pregnant when it happened.

I’ll never know the warmth of your skin as you lie on my chest

Or that determined look as you try your best.

I’ll never know the joy your smile would bring

July 28th 2015 should have been the day we welcomed our daughter Amelia into the world.