I lost my first child, a boy, just over two months ago. It had been an up and down pregnancy and when we went for some more detailed heart scans, we discovered it had stopped. 

I am a mother to Sienna, Sebastian and Tennyson. 

Today marks the second anniversary of the birth of our son Sebastian, who was stillborn at 38 weeks on April 6th, 2014.  Up until the point that we lost him, he was a healthy, lively little baby kicking around inside me.

My hand lies protectively across my extended abdomen. It has naturally rested there for the last 7.5 months, but now that position is redundant since we found out our baby girl's heart stopped.

Written for my beautiful angels Izzy, Tyranny and Gibb



So I'm awake again just laying here feeling alone in the dark

I only have a picture now,

A frozen piece of time,

To remind me of how it was,

When you were here, and mine.

I was happy. I had Ryan and Dave, a nice life. Then I got pregnant, excitement, hope, love. I kept imagining the little life inside me and dared to have no fear this time!

The time has come, 38 minutes past Eleven,

You now have a Son, an Angel in heaven.

Big blue eyes and those lips deep red,

It’s better to let it go on its own, they say; for you, for your body

There’s pills for that, the old ones say

The second day it comes, nature’s cruellest trick

Unborn wonder, sweetest child,

Longed-for baby, pure and mild.

A promise of peace for an imperfect world

You’re a banner of goodness ready to unfurl.

I am supporting Sands 'Star on our tree' campaign because this is my first Christmas as a bereaved mummy since losing my beautiful sleeping angel, Adora Elsie Klann, at 38 weeks on 11th September 2015.